I have been with my guy four years, last night he said twoto a buddy. Feel like Im being strung along. I still mention marriage, he knows I would ultimately like that, but why would I throw what I have away. Well it certainly does take two to tangle. You are still on the bottom floor waiting for the elevator to arrive. The problem with that is you cant go backwards in a relationship.. once you do its basically over.. if you feel you need to do that than you should quit seeing him altogetheras long as you are seeing someone on those terms you wont find someone to marry you so you might as well stay where your at because no man will date a woman that still sees her ex and other men while hes trying to develop a meaningful relationship.. New to this. I left my 4 year relationship for the very same reason and now happily engaged after dating someone new for 6 months. Maybe youve yet to recover from a past hurt or youre worried about repeating a toxic relationship you witnessed. But if someone has experiences how bad it can get if a marriage goes wrong (first hand or by observation) may be reluctant to sign the contract. Ok well you need to stop paying everything off if you are going to be entitled to nothing I live with someone that doesnt want to marry me and the only thing I buy is flowers for the landscaping and groceries and I make him take a couple hundred from me because I have a need to be independent even with the commitment of marriage if it ever happens also you need to go to a therapist and find out what you can do to make you feel the desire to have sex again.. I dont want it!! We cannot live on promises. I feel like the reject who will always have a boyfriend never a husband. Im not bringing up marriage anymore. I almost forgot about it, but of course on a day like today I cant help but feel sad. Yet i loved him with my whole heart. Been here,done this. hi. I think hes scared that things will change between us. 75% of divorces are initiated by the wife. Anyway, it was after an incident of that when we were smoothing things over that I asked him and that was his stupid reply!! I told him very clearly before exchanging numbers that I am interested in marrying a guy only and am looking for a serious commitment . He is honest, fair, trustworthy, hard working and committed. Focus on your own life plan that neither requires nor excludes marriage. Theres no ultimatum here..if I threatened to leave, hed probably go. I love my bf so much. 3. } I like waking up next to him in the morning, listening to music and fighting over the air conditioning. I just dont know what to do. Choosing a life partner is one of the most important decisions you may ever make. I am hurt that he doesnt want to marry me. Seems like the majority of us on this site have this situation going on, so the burden of the decision to stay or go is on us. Places to Celebrate 12 Stately Libraries in the U.S. Where You Can Get Married Start the next chapter of your love story by saying "I do" at these beautiful. } Or protect our investments for me and the kids if he were to meet an early demise or vise versa. Love him so much but starting to feel resentful and afraid this one issue is the beginning of the end, Im so heartbroken because in 2013 we where supposed to get married he bought me my dress my shoes well everything, we had to postpone to dec 2013 the wedding because my 5 m bb got very sick of Bronchitis so I couldnt dis attend her. Go do things without him. If I was in your situation I would want to be married before having babies. I told him I wanted to elope. ). says Justin Lavner, a UCLA doctoral candidate in psychology and lead author of the study, published in the online version of the Journal of Family Psychology. Consider whether youd want this person to be one of your best friends if you had no romantic interest. Maybe its not happening cause it would be a mistake. Please. Whole other issue.. Ugh! I have lived with him over 4 years but I am seriously considering buying a house for myself. I dont leave because I love him. WE CLICK!!! Been together Ive 12 years. Last night Hus friend made a comment, I stated, he just hasnt found the right one (to marry) yet. If you don't feel like you have to marry a specific partner, it's okay. Marry me or let me go! I cant tell you how awful it was watching my friends and family members get married, I used to feel like bursting into tears. On the show this couple were getting married. The first date was him coming into our house bringing his home-cooked filipino cuisine(he is an autralian btw) the second date followed by him inviting to tour me around the city. js.src = "https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"; nobody can predict what happens next. I feel horrible and she has no clue, I just tell everyone we arent in a hurry and they look at me funny. Is he engaged to you or someone else? Dont forget to report back at the end of the 10 days to encourage other ladies who need it. We are both seniors. window._wpemojiSettings = {"baseUrl":"https:\/\/s.w.org\/images\/core\/emoji\/13.1.0\/72x72\/","ext":".png","svgUrl":"https:\/\/s.w.org\/images\/core\/emoji\/13.1.0\/svg\/","svgExt":".svg","source":{"concatemoji":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-emoji-release.min.js?ver=5.9"}}; Cookie Notice This is a terrible example for your child who will end up angry and confused about relationships. Did you talk to him? i cant take decisions on my own after 2 years as that time decisions would be in my parents hand to search a guy for me to get married. 15 months is still early to be worrying about when the wedding is however if he seems to be acting like he never wants to get married and you want to its best to end the relationship before you are sitting on here like some of us who have been in a relationship for 10 years and wondering when and if you are ever going to get married .. Good Morning! Its the old days where women were actually spoiled Its the new age where its hard to find a good man that wants to work hard and not live off welfare and social security at the age of 30 I am a single independant woman that doesnt need a man to finance me I can finance myself but for a man to be called a good man and be respected as a man in a relationship than he better know a good woman when he sees one and treat her with the respect she deserves before she looks elsewhere! As I said, Im in the same situation albeit reversed and try to understand where the obssession in my partner came from. It's not. Ive been with my boyfriend for a little over 7 years,we have two kids together and we share everything a home our bank accounts ect I feel he does truely love me but he doesnt believe in marriage. And good luck x, Thank you.right now we are getting along pretty good.the only thing that is bothering me is when he said he doesnt feel the same he was mad when he said it and I want to ask him so bad if he meant it and ask him if he still loves me however I think I should wait a month to see how we are getting alongI think its to soon it is eating me up though. Have you ever tried to look at things from your partners point if you? Would a marriage make me happier? So I feel Im putting in hours but not getting any security like he is at his job.. And thats only for him and his kids. Its hard to understand why he doesnt want to get married when we both love each other so much. My fiancee is in love with another woman and cheating on me. But I would never sacrifice our relationship for this irrational want. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Recently Ive had a rough time finding work and I called my mum, she wants me to come home but on the condition I never speak to my bf again. I love him more than I thought possible! I feel like my life will always be incomplete because of this. Or is real love still out there? I cried my heart out and he ignored me. Girl, cut your losses and run. So less than a month ago I found out my bf for 8 years was cheating on me. He didnt want us to split up, he just didnt want to marry. And if its just a piece of paper why not just give it to me? Tonight i tried to talk to him about it and all he could say was i dont know. Shouldnt he at some point feel bad that his significant other, partner, mother of his daughter isnt happy? Im sure there are cases like this but the data suggest its the exception to the rule not the rule. Do not move in with him again. It hurts me. I guess the fact that we signed the paper that said we belong to each othe caused the relationship fall to pices. ( got 3 ) we kinda never got a date set and stuck to it. He has a very large family with 5 siblings and many nieces and nephews who Ive known since birth. I do everything for him for 5 years now. He told his friend our relationship is like marriage anyhow, in a positive tone. If a man wants a woman he will make every effort to keep her, not throw her away when he has to make a legal commitment and actually give her some legal protection. Yet doesnt apparantly care enough to ask me to be his wife. What do we all do? No one has answers and I am so sad because the future I thought we had, and my future has jsut disappered and as someone said, this has already tainted what was a great relationship with some uncertainty. Now, am I losing my mind. A little background. Stability.. Security. I agree that being happy with a bf should be enough but I want to get married. What he doesnt understand is I DONT want him to have to, if he doesnt Want too then its tainted. Go after your dreams. But I am sticking my ground. Then why are so many today hesitant to commit to a long-term marriage? Please advise, what am i suppose to do? I am in a similar situation, and I am anxious to put this issue to rest for myself, hurt creeps in on a regular basis now. the past 2 years have been wonderful. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. I really care about him, but Im still not sure if he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. He didnt say anything until we got home and said no reception. his ex wife cheated on him with his best friend so I feel that hes afraid I will do the same I have never been married I am my thirties and I have full custody of my 9 year old son. When we got together we instantly got into a serious relationship. I have girlfriends that are my age and still single because they havent met a nice man. Well here I sit 2 years later and yet to have a normal discussion about taking that next stepI re-read my previous comment where I had so much hope, so much enthusiasm only to realise Im now almost on year 6 and no closer than I was before. Or are you only looking at your wants and needs? His ex wife cheated on him with many guys, got a restraing order against him and threw him on the street. He was vocal on our very first dates that he want ti be married to me. All rights reserved. You have kids together and should be married. But one thing I believe in strongly is we live in the best times ever. Doesnt that make me extremely pathetic ? He could fear heartbreak unless you're the first person he's been involved with. i mean, why did he gave his number to a young women at a BAR and kept if from me for 2 years. Youre being sold a lie if anything is claimed to stop the chance of you dying alone. It is completely okay to want marriage, a family, the ring and the wedding. I just dont like it being dangled in my face and then nothing. Leave! I was so surprised and exciteD. My head is battered with going over and over the reasons. Disliking the historical implications of marriage, which include viewing women as property and men as little more than providers. var getClass2 = $(event.target).parent().parent().attr('class'); So I have been seeing someone who is engaged to his fiance and going to be married in November. My fianc wont marry me until I become tidy. Listening well involves an effort to attend to, understand, and validate others. He is still working very good income but so is mine. But there are other things I want in life that I cant have either and sometimes we just have to accept a situation, and be happy with what we have when its a good thing. 3 Yrs later since we started dating, we were blessed with our daughter who is now 4. If he is engaged to someone else, walk away from him. Why buy a house with someone before there is a commitment? He said it wasnt the right time to talk about it and that he made a mistake and shut the conversation down. We have 2 beautiful children, I love his family, we love each other dearly, he calls me his wife. For now, Im riding the wave. I liked being married, but I was just married to the wrong person for 16 years. after this incident, i met a guy where i said hes 25. hes the one who made me strong to live my life when i was all alone and depressed on my second failure. We have had our ups and downs but we never give up on each other. I feel like hes test driven this & isnt sold.. Or is sold and feels hes gotten it all so why make it legal. We have discussed this with my partner and we are comfortable with this. I think sadly, actually devastatingly sadly. He wasnt. Thats how I think he feels. I love you so much and want to keep you happy but at the same time i cant get married also. I do want to get married, I do want kids, and even though these things still exist in that mysterious future place (and even though Im only 28), I sometimes worry about what will happen when the future becomes my present. Hes divorced. A.lot of men dont like to have a big wedding or reception..me personally I wouldnt care if I had one neither as long as I was getting married to the one I love..how about this: compromise and wear a wedding dress to the court house and instead of having a reception tell him you agree a reception is to much so just have a big family cookout instead.. this way its still like a reception but he thinks its just a family cookout.. Something is the matter with us. We dont have all the time in the world. EIN #84-0574141. Dont forget that there are many possibilities for intimacy and connection other than pairing up. I am in the same predicament wondering if I am doing the right thing. but, after i expressed my feelings, he was no where like that. The question forces me to confront the reality that now, at 28 years old (around the age I always imagined myself to be in the aforementioned fantasies), with all the pieces in place to make my dream a reality, Im hesitant. Whatever. We have a great relationship and never had a fight. js.id = id; Ive offered eloping and a prenup but its still a no. He clearly loves you and is happy to commit to you in all other ways, and perhaps like me, it hurt quite a bit when you realised that no matter how good your relationship is, it hasnt been enough to change his mind. Even though Im not alone I feel incomplete. I took care of his terminally Ill father before he passed.
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